Calvary Episcopal Church
Memphis, Tennessee
June 15, 2003
The First Sunday After Pentecost

Talking When Times Are Tough
The Rev. Dr. Robert R. Hansel

Gospel:John 3:1-17
(This sermon is also available in audio)

This morning I want to speak to you about TALK--the activity of people talking to and with one another. These days, I realize, it’s more typical to use language like “dialogue” or “encounter” but I want to stick with the simpler concept--just plan talk.

Recently I was reading a diocesan church newspaper article about terrorism. The writer was commenting that we find ourselves these days in a period of genuine crisis. We are confronted with international violence, national economic shortfall, continuing problems of poor educational systems, drug addiction, and racial hostility. Our churches and communities are divided on a whole range of issues about human sexuality. It may be, the writer suggested, that the churches are the only places where there is any chance that our society can meet and begin to resolve all these challenges to mankind. The article concluded with this sentence that has stuck in my mind ever since: “There can be nothing more sinful these days than a dinner party without any mention of these matters. You owe it to your Baptismal vows to get these questions talked about.”

I wonder how many of us would agree that this is, indeed, a special time of crisis--a period in history with an unusually valid claim on our conversational topics. And, even if we agreed that we’re in an especially difficult and confusing time, how many of us would agree that the best chance of dealing with it is for all of us to be personally intentional about raising these issues in every possible conversation!

Ecclesiastes says there is a time for every purpose under heaven. There’s a time to talk--and I believe that this is it. This is clearly a time of decision, of crisis. Our wonderful old Episcopal Church is coming up to another General Convention, one in which dark clouds hang over everything--clouds of governance, authority, and social responsibility questions. We hear disturbing, disquieting news of people leaving the church, of pastors deserting their congregations, of openly gay Bishops being elected, and proposals of worship services to bless same-gender unions. Some say that such issues will divide, split, and ultimately destroy the church. Others suggest that there’s no point in preserving the unity of a church that can’t address such issues.

It’s hard to know who’s right and who’s wrong. Whatever you may think, whichever “side” you’re on, there can be little doubt that we’re at a critical time in our church’s long history. Such moments, I believe, can be times of opportunity as well as threat. In times of crisis things need to be talked about; ideas need to be tested; minds need to be changed; thoughts need to be ventilated; assumptions need to be challenged; decisions need to be made. In these days we need to talk. What we don’t need is to shout, slam the door, and walk out. Those who engage in such pullouts are short-circuiting the process. There is a time to stay together and to talk--and this, I contend, is precisely that time.

Most of us, of course, instinctively, avoid arguments. The temptation is to “go along” , to keep silent or agree, without causing a scene. Preachers learn early not to talk of politics from the pulpit if they expect to stay employed. The temptation is very real these days--to nod wisely and say nothing even in the face of the most hair-raising stupidity rather than risk getting into an argument.

But, hold on a minute. Are these the only alternatives available to us-- either abject silence or angry dispute? Neither of those two options really get us anywhere. Sure, we can choose uncritical agreement. We can excuse ourselves by citing the naïve truism that there’s always likely to be some truth on both sides of anything. Or we could convince ourselves that it’s better to just pretend to accept ideas that we actually believe to be false and even dangerous. To say you agree when you don’t--or, worse still, to keep silent--is blatant hypocrisy. That kind of verbal surrender isn’t actually talk; just noise. Talk cannot be forked-tongued (as the Native American phrase has it). But that doesn’t mean that we have to accept the opposite--hurling our prejudices and presumptions around with no regard for the views of the other person, actually seeking to hurt and harm or belittle the intelligence of the other. Talk must be two-way--there must be genuine give and take--or there isn’t any point to it. As we approach what promises to be an increasingly heated debate in this year’s General Convention, within our hometowns, and political parties, I think there are several things to be said here about the nature of verbal communication, things we need to keep in mind if our talk is to be more than a total waste of time and breath.

ONE: Listening is a skill that no one as completely mastered. There is no human being who couldn’t listen more attentively and effectively. Listening is hard work, much tougher than talking, yet although there are thousands of courses being offered to instruct people how to talk better, how many such training opportunities are there for listeners? There are probably less than one for every hundred speech training events. Still, learning to listen is, I think, a skill that’s gaining a growing interest these days. There are people who are paying more attentive to what we now call “feedback.” Can you really have effective communication with both talking and listening? So, which is more important talking or listening? As someone has pointed out, apparently God has a preference, since God gave each of us only one tongue but two ears.

TWO: The second dimension of two-way talk that I want to remind you about is that, unless we’re honestly prepared to exchange ideas--even to the point of having our mind changed, then to engage in conversation with someone else is arrogant discourtesy and outright deception. Without an openness to hearing something new and coming to a different understanding than we originally held, all we really want to do is demolish the other person and his views. Think about your own conversations. How often are you really seeking information and insight, ready to be changed? Do you more often find yourself simply getting ready to fire your next salvo? Do you truly listen or are you too busy framing your own response?

THREE: The last thing I want to say about talk is equally obvious, but nevertheless crucial: talk requires thought--and thinking is what we desperately need. Now I’m aware that some folks seem to have no connection between their brain and their tongue. They’re not interested in considering any other facts or perceptions. Their mind is made up, so they don’t have to think at all---they just parrot the same old lines over and over. Real talk, by way of contrast, requires real thinking--real learning-real mind changing--real idea testing--even some research and homework. This is why times of crisis are the best times to talk--because times of crisis require actions and decisions based on the best thinking available.

Genuine, authentic talk, then, has its time; talk must be two-way; talk must proceed from original thinking; talk must shape and inform decisions that can make a positive difference.

This is why the Bible is so concerned with and full of a concept called “The WORD.” God’s Spirit comes to us as a living, active, renewing word of life. The Bible tells us “The is a time for everything under heaven.” “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” “Come let us reason together says the Lord.” All those verses (and hundreds more like them that I might have cited) convince me that God is committed to staying around and openly talking when times are tough.

These are the Scriptural insights that lead me to believe that these are times in which the Word of God is challenging each and every one of us to speak up and speak out….talking with one another in every setting and at every opportunity. These are the insights that lead me to join with the newspaper writer in saying, “In any area of crisis--in any area of decision--in any area of misunderstanding--you owe it to your Baptismal vows to get all this talked about.”

Every one of us has a calling right now to learn about the issues, to reflect on what needs to be said and done, and then to engage in an open forum of shared discussion that turns our whole church into a worldwide Learning Community--one to whom, with whom, and through whom God’s living Word of Truth can be heard and followed. If we do that, this time of crisis and challenge will most certainly turn out to be a moment of truth and light. So I say, bring it on!

Copyright 2003 Calvary Episcopal Church

Gospel: John 3:1-17
Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. 2 He came to Jesus by night and said to him, "Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God." 3 Jesus answered him, "Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above." 4 Nicodemus said to him, "How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother’s womb and be born?" 5 Jesus answered, "Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. 6 What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 Do not be astonished that I said to you, You must be born from above. 8 The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit. 9 Nicodemus said to him, "How can these things be?" 10 Jesus answered him, "Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things? 11 Very truly, I tell you, we speak of what we know and testify to what we have seen; yet you do not receive our testimony. 12 If I have told you about earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you about heavenly things? 13 No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. 14 And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. 17 Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. NRSV

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