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CHAPTER 22
Trust/Lack of Trust Trusting
is like holding out our hand in peace to the stranger
next to us, not knowing if they will grasp our hand with
love
or slap it away. Will you be the first to hold out your hand?
If it is slapped away, will you hold it out again, or turn
to someone else? If your hand is held in love, will you continue
to offer it to other strangers? How
will you decide in the future whom you hold your hand out
to? Why hold it out at all? What is gained, what is lost? All of
these questions arise each time we trust, yet we continue
to hold out our hands, because God calls us to trust, and
to trust
again. Being with God is not a passive stance; God’s
hand reaches out, and we reach back, trusting that it will
not be slapped away. Practicing trusting is practicing being
with God. The
issue of trust pervades our life on multiple levels. We
start out trusting, then learn not to trust, then try to
regain
a sense of trust, not just once in a linear fashion, but
over and over again as we circle through each stage of
our lives.
Can we trust our parents, our friends, our lovers, our coworkers?
What about our religious leaders? Can we trust ourselves
to know and do the things that are best for us? Can we
trust God?
The commitment to a faith community, to
the spiritual journey itself, to companionship, or to this
writing practice are all indications of willingness to
trust. Most of us have had positive experiences of trusting,
as well as painful experiences of the violation of that
trust. Placing our trust in someone or something
makes us vulnerable. Sometimes the temptation is strong to
not take
any risks at all. The decision to not trust at all means
not moving closer to God. Another path open to us involves
paying attention and learning from
the consequences of trusting, both painful as well as joyful,
which helps us more clearly discern the spiritual path toward
God.
We gain wisdom in these lessons of trustworthiness;
we learn what is worthy of our trust, and what is not. Sorting
out
what risks are worth taking from the risks that bring only
harm, we cultivate the willingness to trust God, to hold
out our hand. Reflection
What have been your experiences with trust and lack of
trust? Chances are this question will readily summon
emotions, memories, even current realities. Take a few
moments to enter into these memories or your current
experience. Invite God to be with you in these moments,
and ask God for what you need or want. If your trust
concerns are directly related to your relationship with
God and affect your feelings
about whether or not you can be safe with God or trust
that God cares for you, you may want to share these concerns
with your spiritual
director or a close friend.
• How has the ability to trust affected your spiritual journey?
• What are some of the positive experiences you have had of trusting?
• What is your experience of trusting God?
• What is your experience of trusting yourself?
• What would it be like to share these experiences with someone? With God?
Pen
in Hand
Write about a time when you doubted
the wisdom of trusting, yet you went ahead anyway. Choose a time
when you thought for sure that your skepticism would be justified,
and
then it wasn’t.
Perhaps you invited a dubious stranger into
your home, or you agreed to help someone
you knew wouldn’t help you in return,
or you gave someone who had hurt you repeatedly
another chance.
Write about what you expected from this act
of trust, and then what the outcome was.
Perhaps someone paid you back money they
owed, or they came through on a promise.
Choose a time when the outcome of
your trust surprised you. Write about what
it was like to have your expectations turned
upside down. What effect did that have on
you? Write
for fifteen minutes. Noticing
• Are you surprised at what you chose to write about? Why or
why not?
• How did this experience affect your relationship with God?
• How did this experience affect your sense of self?
• Were there any unexpected feelings that you noticed as you
wrote about this experience?
• Would you like to offer these feelings to God?
On
the Path
By committing yourself to this writing exercise, you
are choosing to
trust that the time you invest
in reading and reflecting and
writing, the
willingness to examine and open
yourself to reflection, will
prove to be
worthwhile. You may not know
what you are putting your trust
in, or
why—only that you have chosen to move forward, to give
of your
time, energy, focus, and willingness
to see what happens. Spend some
time writing about this act of
trust. Write about how this exercise
resembles other times in your
life when you have made a commitment
to trust something, or someone,
or God. How have you trusted
yourself, your spirit, and your
heart, to the mystery of creating,
of
communicating, of making connection?
You may also want to address
these questions:
• What is it like for you to trust the writing process?
• What hopes do you bring to the writing process?
• By trusting the writing process, what do you hope from God?
• What implications does the decision to trust this process have
for
the rest of your life?
Contemplation
Writing as a spiritual practice
is something you can
trust. Because this
process is your own,
it cannot be violated
by anyone else’s
opinions,
judgments, or attempts
to interfere with it.
The spiritual
journey
asks
us to trust ourselves
and from there, to
trust God,
and from
there, to trust those
people in our lives whom we
allow into
our hearts
and into the sanctuary
of our souls. Through writing
and discernment
and prayer, we can
grow in the wisdom needed
to make decisions
about where to place
our trust.
• What other spiritual practices have you learned to trust?
• How does the issue of trust, or lack of trust, play a role
in your
creative life?
In your personal
life?
• How might you foster, or begin to rebuild, trust in your own
inner wisdom?
• How might you bring your feelings about trust and lack of trust,
to God?
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